Oh no, I've become my mother...

There comes a moment in a mother's life when all of a sudden she realizes, "oh shit, I sound just like my mother!" This, my beautiful señoritas, is not just a light observation. It has profound meaning. I was fascinated to interview Dr. Juan Carlos Dumas who illuminated me something called, regression/progression, an unconscious mental health problem that he says may be at the heart of many relationship bust ups and family dysfunction.

The gist: your childhood traumas--if left unresolved--may bubble up soon as you become a parent.  And this may cause you, your child & relationship unnecessary suffering.

This is the subject of my latest story for mamiverse.com.

Excerpt from mamiverse.com: 


Yvette, a Manhattan mother of two, recounts a day recently when her husband accused her of being a negligent mother because she took one of the boys, who at the time was running a dangerously high fever, out in the rain to visit the pediatrician. "It was crazy the way he went at me," she confessed. "And also very hurtful since negligent is far from what I am, and he knows it." Upon further exploration, the couple realized that what Yvette's husband experienced was a regression/progression moment.
"It's the feeling of an event that is absolutely exaggerated. A serious distortion of reality and an interpretation of what is going on based on the past," explains family therapist Dr. Juan Carlos Dumas. "The key here," says the mental health practitioner, "is that the parent experiencing the 'flashback' is not aware of it; only the observer sees it." In other words, it's a serious blast from the past that takes you back to a traumatic childhood experience and causes an unconscious freak-out moment—one apparent to everyone but you.

Parenting can trigger a lot of different emotional and psychological deep-seated issues for parents, particularly around the issue of discipline, says Dr. Dumas. He explains the typical regression progression scenario: the husband comes in to family therapy accusing the wife of disciplining the children too harshly and blames the mother for victimizing the kids with her aggressive punishment. The father reacts with extreme anxiety, when in fact, his wife is just normally disciplining their child.

READ THE REST OF THE STORY ON MAMIVERSE.COM  & HELP SPREAD THE WORD. YOU CAN SAVE SOMEONE FROM UNDUE SUFFERING

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