The highest form of intelligence is the ability to observe yourself without judging yourself.
~ Deepak Chopra
To observe oneself without passing judgment is the highest form of intelligence because it's the most difficult task-- a lifelong process that if you are awake, keeps you humble and evolving. One day, you wake up and give yourself a break and love yourself with enough clarity to embrace your flaws, fears, mistakes, decisions, or weight or whatever ails and you resolve to do better, be better and more kind to yourself. That is the moment where I see healing truly starting. It's a daily grind to be kind and non judgemental about the choices that I have made and when I have those moments of non judging -- of clarity and no self bashing -- it is the most freedom and joy I feel. And I work hard to have those moments expand to hours and days, months and years. I work hard to make it a lifestyle. But it's a choice and a commitment, and it takes self awareness and lots of falling down too.
Judging is a national sport and it's a poison that has consumed modern day society, eating one individual a time. This cancer is evident everywhere. The way the virtual world has reacted to General Petreus having an affair with a married woman or Bon Jovi's daughter nearly overdosing on heroin are two recent examples of people failing and so many of us well, simply, enjoying and pointing fingers. Ugh...
We love to point fingers or why else would Newt Gingrich, who had many adulterous affairs of his own before marrying his third wife, go on morning television moralizing about the general?
(Now, on the Petreus affair, it's not that he slept with a woman that is troubling and must be investigated, it's that he may have endangered national security for a piece of you know what. Good, bad, it's not for me to say. Besides, who knows if he and his wife of thirty seven years have an agreement that the rest of the world doesn't know about?)
We fall, other's love to laugh, criticize and point fingers. We rise, others point more fingers about our talent or alleged lack there of.
But, this is the thing...
...we are all walking in some sort of pain: rich, poor, famous, blue blood, unemployed or CEO, high school drop out or PHD. Life is hard for even the most blessed. This pain is mostly lived in our heads and hearts and for many, you would never know how deep their pain is until, well they get caught cheating or die from an overdose. Behind those perfectly manicured lawns with luxurious homes is a world filled with dysfunction no less or more than the dysfunction that exists behind the hard doors of the projects. But because as individuals we can't seem to give ourselves a break, we are not going to give others a break either. The haves shit on the have nots, the have nots are not even trying to be compassionate for those who have it "all."
Remember this: the more judgemental a person is, the more in pain that person is living.
I love this Kate Baker quote:
"You do not set the standard. You have not walked in my footsteps, danced in my shoes or lived in my world. Do not judge point your fingers at me or become experts on my life. Instead, celebrate with e in times of joy and and cry with e in times of pain. Only then will we begin to understand each other.
This is the other thing: so much of our lives is spent being afraid of being judged that we fail to blossom into our fullest expression. This weekend, try to suspend all judging, of yourself and others. See how different life actually tastes