Boston, here I come

I'll be speaking tomorrow at ALPFA's 7th Annual Latina Summit. If you are in the area, there is still time to register. Come find mentors, connections, inspiration, and new best friends.

Why being called a bitch may not be such a bad thing for women

A friend recently called me a bitch while saying warm heartedly that,"it's the thing that she loves most about me." In camaraderie she said that she too was a bitch. I was not comforted, at least not right away.

To be called a bitch to my face, by a dear friend, I must admit that for a second, shocked me. Me? No way? I am strong, I am honest, I am assertive, I am confident, I am sweet, I am kind, but a bitch, I am not!  Or am I? And why take offense to the word since I am in great company--Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, Susan Rice, Dolores Huerta are purportedly "bitches" or "bitchy." Funny that when a man is called a bitch it is quite the opposite. But I digress...

Reflecting on what it means to be a bitch

"Fear is just an annoyance." ~ Leyhma Gbowee, winner Nobel Peace Prize, 2011

This morning I went to the 26th Annual New York Women's Foundation breakfast -- 2,500 women -- a yearly event celebrating women. The organization has helped more than 5.4 million women achieve greater economic security, safety, and health. 

The only all female mariachi band in New York City, Mariachi Flor de Toloache, welcomed the guests with some bad-ass music. It was perfect beginning for a rainy and coffee-less morning.

Tina Brown, Rachel Lloyd and Leymah Gbowee were honored for their inspiring work with women.  The men's rooms were taken over my women from all over the world. But Gbowee, a Liberian peace activist, brought the house down with her moving life work and words.

I've got 99 problems & Cuba embargo is one

Drama in Havana

Jay-Z thought he'd surprise his boo and take her to one of the sweetest spots on earth, beautiful Havana, Cuba. Then all hell broke loose in southern Florida with some crazy Cuban pols, led by Senator Marco Rubio, calling for an investigation and the celebrity couple's prosecution. Stop the madness. It's time we--Cubans and every other American--revisit the oldest blockade in the world and debate the Cuba blockade openly and sanely!

I won an EMMY in 1995 for a show I produced on the issue of the blockade. A decade and a half later, we are still humoring the crazy.

Leave Bey and Jay alone. The issue is not their trip, the real problem is US Cuba policy.

I wrote an op-ed for CNN on the Bey-Jay Havana drama. A snippet:

Favoritism will get you far, very far, so start kissing up...

Favoritism and social networks not only will get you in the door but they will keep you employed. 

Of course, this is not earth shattering news, or even news. But I thought I would blog about it because it confirms what most of us know. The culprit that reproduces inequality in the workplace is not necessarily the color of our skin, intelligence, skills, or talent, rather it's not having the right connections or being born into a well connected family.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, a self made billionaire, calls it the "lucky sperm people." (It's tragic that someone who was so anti-nepotism is today an avid practitioner of handing out jobs to folks hardly qualified, but I digress.) It was wonderful to read Nancy DiTomaso's column in today's New York Times about how favoritism and social networks is what keeps Blacks (and I bet Latinos) longer on the unemployment line. The Rutgers University professor has researched this social phenomenon and her scholarly work proves that, as it always was, it's not what you know, but who you know. Dang it...

Here's the gist of her column in today's New York Times:

Is being a good girl killing you softly?

So thrilled to share a piece I wrote in the latest edition of Cosmo magazine now on newstands. It's the issue with perpetual bad girl, Michelle Rodriguez on the cover.

Here's the scoop: being a good girl is terrible for our individual and collective health. If you find yourself saying, "yes," when you want to say, "fuck no," then it's time to say adios to the good girl-- a syndrome that keeps women from fully living, from being our fun, fearless and greatest selves.

Keep your goals to yourself & you'll succeed

Next time you are dying to tell your best friend about your new goal, don't. Turns out that research is showing that yapping about your dreams is a sure way to kill em. Studies since the 1920's have consistently found that telling someone your goals makes them less likely to happen. 

Derek Silvers' shares his short and insightful research on Ted Talk and it's worth watching if you have been floundering with a pet project. 

According to social psychologists talking about our goals tricks the mind into thinking that we have already completed them--it's a feel good reaction that satisfies the brain and makes us less likely to want to do the work. Kurt Lewin, who is touted as the creator of social psychology, called this phenomena, substitution. According to Silvers, Wera Mahler's studies in 1933, showed that when a goal is acknowledged by others, they feel real in the mind. In the 1980's Peter Gollwitzer performed and wrote about human action and reaction. Or rather, non action.

You are alone enough so stop playing yourself

You are alone enough you have nothing to prove to anybody. ~ Maya Angelou

Anytime you ever need a little lifting of the soul, Ms Angelou's words will do. Maya Angelou's words always make me feel majestic. She affirms my womanhood. She affirms my blackness. She affirms my spirit. And my beauty. Maybe because she looks like my late aunt Titi Himilce, I have a special fondness for the great poet. Thank you Ms Angelou for gracing us with your beauty. Here, her classic for women everywhere, "Phenomenal Woman."